The room, the habitation of status quo – filled with smoke,
the chambers of your heart,
viscerally cleaved down to the yolk.
Life, conceivably turned upon its head;
….perchance God offers me better things instead.
I – Genesis
I met this wonderful lady, one of strong values and forthright constitution.
Beautiful in the face, lovely in the spirit.
I yearn to undress her soul, the entire, the whole,
tasting her vitality, playing a punctilious role.
“I feel blessed to have met you. I embrace your friendship. I want to learn from you”.
“You, the handsome knight, vast knowledge of the wrong from the right,
eternally virtuous and chivalrous” (always to be your pernicious plight).
“You of character, you of good literature and kind words,
you approach with a smile – always kind, insightful and couth.
Reach for me. I want to embrace your wisdom, tears and truth”.
You could not possibly feel the depth of what I do;
differing degrees of years of tear’s stains,
two hungry hearts – tragically on separate planes.
Is love a real gift, a precious something to behold on its own?
Or is it merely the medicine for desperation,
a drug to no longer feel alone?
….yet, intermittently, you feel a certain sensitivity,
inexplicable in its implications, idiosyncratic is its innervation.
Never matters what we think we know, but what we feel to be true;
I dust off my dismal pen and write a letter just for you.
II – Yearning, Learning
“The discourse a treat, and this, jubilant bliss, lovely as it is endless.
Doth you feel time stand still? Is the fairy tale aura chance or God’s will”?
What ere felt like days closer resembles years in its consequent haze,
lost concept of “time” after this brilliantly benevolent daze.
The romantics are blissfully lost in sharing laughs, writing pleasing essays.
“Thy diction, the colloquial gifts provide as much comfort as elation;
warmth in your letters grants vitality and exuberance, summons a subtly scarce sensation.
Soft words, henceforth preferred; and though absurd, lines seldom blurred, I incurred a contentment hitherto unheard, rivaling the mellifluous melodies of the morning songbird”.
Joy in abundance, excitement is ample: friendship, connections and a handwriting sample!!!
“We have, in a whimsical whirlwind of romantic sorcery,
such of reverie and possibility, traded many a tale;
shared stories with maidens of victory, cavaliers to fail.
I know not from where you came, the serendipity that began instantaneously, but I take nothing for granted; I appreciate your heart and soul, sincerely and authentically.
I bid thee goodnight, desire to have your soul enveloped in peace.
For your weariness to share my steadfast strength, to aid you in finding your stability,
the fortitude within, a resolution to one’s justifiable fragility;
you possess both the intelligence and ability; your soul – so enriching. Love thyself”.
A true friend, when needed, when called upon to be one’s strength,
will implore you to break, instruct you to cry,
permit you to have no inhibitions. They delight in the soul within, the heart under your guise.
A caring friend, when needed, when responding to the inherently human imperative to love with inexorable immobility, will hold you up on your feet,
will drag you if need be, will scream at you to take care of yourself
because they love you more than anyone else.
You are never alone, and will build a beautiful new life because you’re strong.
Sleep well. I’ll compose your next letter before long.
III – Acrimony, Melancholy
Blows a cold wind, far from the north. Carried in its gust, both a will and a must, delivering pain in its cutting endeavor. Closing your tragedy, read to conclusion, far less somber than an ending shattered by intrusion. Yet the tides decree, the fates agree: a fable’s rewarding completion, better brutally ravaged by a fable’s curt deletion. Executioner displeased, ineffectual to plead “please” when emphatically denied, thus the chance to appease. His chest in an asphyxiating freeze, the knight closes his eyes, falls docilely to his knees. The guillotine plunges with malignant ease.
So the tale ends, owing to forces out of our control (do family members get carried away in their role?).
I recall endless talk of women he’s fucked the most (a most insecure masculine boast);
am I the only man on the planet not agonizing over lack of notches on the bed post?
Integrity of character and amiable approach callously scorned (his control over you matters the most).
Through vacant tears, I see only a former memory’s ghost;
cascading veil of false hopes, methodically awaken to breaking waves on a desolate coast.
Deserted by day, destitute by dark, souls shed tears, entire, flagrant and stark.
A hole inside, a whole denied, the sorrowful know the anguish that eats you alive. Lord, please heal my soul, mend my mind; I believe thou to be kind, though your plan written most askew, the knitting you do, mysteries woven through the fiber of time – these are the manifestations of an author, mysteriously divine. Perhaps it all is written, one to be unfairly smitten. Perhaps it is authored, for love to be offered, though just as suddenly, graciousness counts the dollar bills the devil has proffered. Cordially civil, ‘tis to say, “wishes unrealized; I’d not gotten my preferred way”. Genuinely human, ‘tis to say, “merciless unfeeling narcissistic narrow-minded hypocrites lead others astray, whilst their piteous victims haplessly obey”. Respect and dignity – virtues that I joyously gave away. Yet they matter never, in a world gone astray. Emotional decay, though detrimentally deteriorated by dismay, I’ll toil to find inside, a way to convey, the truth required, to compose this final essay.
A man may be strong, steadfast and able.
A man may be calm, poised and emotionally stable.
Stoicism to abound, sure feet and calm mind firm on the ground,
notwithstanding those moments when nobody else is around.
The heart’s hands are tied, will and freedom are bound.
Figuratively, ever poetically – the knight has drowned.
IV – The Age of Resilience
One must possess a constitution, both militant and astute enough, to accomplish what must be done. Acquire a scrupulous approach to carving whole new lives under an unfamiliar sun.
‘Twas a truth, abruptly thrust into my chest as a blade, flicker and fade; a circumstance, appertains so astute, the sharpness of the edge, poignant and acute. Events transpired (the almighty shalt not dispute). Sanity and strength allocated, knuckles cracked, tears wiped and poetry written, shots fired (but poetically polished and smitten). Feeble mind, the frail kind; compliantly crawled through the squalid pipelines of his hubris, the fetid sewers of his heart. Gone; provided he lament and endeavor to discuss our being apart, I ought look him in the eye, explain the vital nature of my fresh start. To he, I’ve nothing left to say. May he remorsefully go his own way.
For she: goodbye, and I impart: I implore, I beg, think for one’s self – lest you confuse possession for protection. Not everyone wants what is best for you (few, in fact, ever do). Family will indoctrinate minds of youth; blood forever runs thicker than truth. And this, a sad maxim of human life, one that creates unnecessary pain and strife (blindly complacent loyalty, inculcated by an acerbic verbal knife). Happiness, incumbent upon freedom. Free to think, free to feel, free to be (free to live the idea of ‘you and me’). Your soul, a uniquely warm hue; let your voice of magnificence instruct and imbue, or you shalt undo all you ever knew, neglect every wound you endured to let wisdom accrue. Breathe only the oxygen of you, others’ toxic carbons you must eschew. Those, whose love is true, will delight in your doing what you want to do. Live never to satisfy one else’s view; be only you. Through and through.
Touch of naught, love seldom sought, I had to appreciate a soul, to learn to feel aught. I want nothing for you but the very best. You deserve love, acceptance, and truth. You deserve to breathe in the way only you know how to do. You deserve to paint your unique kindness in the way you choose. Keep on reading, keep on loving. Perhaps our paths cross again one day. For your wellness I’ll always pray.
I endured a salty pilgrimage through time’s fabric, roaming God’s valleys, peak topped and basin scratched. Everything is an experience from which you learn, an unquenchable thirst for knowledge implores we yearn. You shut a window to your past, never a door, lest the opacity prevent you from meditating on the torment from before; humans, in learning, must examine their tragedies of yore. Step into a new river and always seek to gain…just remember to not forget the pane. At present, the days as cold as the nights are long; I’ll continue to dwell in darkness, dutifully penning this: a resilient song.
Tony Blau Veldt, 02/16/2015 completed