“Hope”

Under each costumed exterior exists a world,

catacombs unexplored, subterranean and uncharted,

the dark places of the soul.

You know a person never, not until it is too late,

all lives in each other’s hands,

a writer unto thy neighbor’s fate.

 

What have they done to you, what do they do to you?

What they’ve done hurts you so much it hurts me, too.

What have they done to you, what do they do to you?

I wish they could suffer so much for what they put us through.

 

They tell us how we should be, they tell us each and every mistake,

they point out each and every flaw until we bend and break.

Until I claw at my soul and pine to rip it apart,

until I destroy myself and slash ribbons of my heart,

until I feel ashamed of everything I do and everything I am,

until I realize it’s never even good enough to do the best that I can.

 

I know what it is to feel what you’re feeling.

to honestly believe your life isn’t worth living.

I know what it is to feel ugly and stupid,

to wonder why you feel different and excluded.

I know what it is to feel unwanted and worthless,

always tired and struggling to find a purpose.  

I know comfort in always feeling angry and alone,

to nurture a heart of granite, develop eyes of stone.  

I know how it feels to hate it when you awake,

when blissful numbness is over, replaced with infernal ache.

 

Don’t feel alone.

For you are not, and never will you be.

Others know your anxiety, your pain you hide from the world.

They know what it is to pretend to be happier than you are,

to have the ironic reputation as the most joyful person around.

Your suffering need not be locked up inside;

nothing is more destructive than creating

a prison in your own heart and mind.

 

Don’t be afraid to share it, to open up, to cry

and to scream that you are confused and have

no idea who you are or what to do,

it’s ok to feel completely helpless and subdued.

Talk to me, purge the pain, face it through and through.

If you hurt, I will dutifully hurt right alongside you.

I will hurt, too.

 

You have so many gifts to give the world.

You’ve such a big heart and a positive energy.

A rare intelligence and deep empathy,

an atypical astuteness in emotional sensitivity.

A devotion to your own heart and mind’s liturgy –

that independent, self-reliant ability to study inwardly.

You’ve been a breath of fresh air for my own soul’s liberty.

You simply bring about such a happiness and warmth inside of me.

Perhaps you think highly of me, hold me up in high esteem.

Yet the honor is all mine – for through you have I been redeemed.

 

My sentiment is rather simple.

I just want you to know how much you’re loved.

I just want you to know you’re appreciated each and every day.

I don’t want you to ever go, for my life would be empty without you.

You’re one of my favorite people –

a good helper

a good listener

a caring soul

a loving person.

A loyal friend – my loyal friend.

One for whom I am eternally grateful.

 

What have they done to you, what do they do to you?

What they’ve done hurts you so much it hurts me, too.

What have they done to you, what do they do to you?

I wish they could suffer so much for what they put us through.

Yet I now know our healing must be approached with patience,

forgiveness, and growth – things I know I can do.

They simply come easier when I can love someone like I do you.

 

04/21/2016, Tony Blau Veldt

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